We don’t attention if the lady you prefer was a buddy of a pal of a pal of a buddy of a pal. If she’s by any means tethered to a dyke your love, stay far, distant.
Upset certainly one of united states, disappointed all of us, baby.
(I’m sure, i am aware. They sucks. This is why I prefer currently long-distance; there can ben’t local baggage to concerns over.)
4. trustworthy a f*ckboi.
If she appears like a Shane, speaks like a Shane, and walks like a Shane, odds are she’s a Shane.
5. making the assumption that because she’s a girl, it’s impossible for her to be a f*ckboi .
I don’t proper care if she’s a butch, a femme, a stem, a stud, a lip stick lesbian, a makeup lesbian or a chapstick lesbian—just because she’s a self-identified female doesn’t mean she can’t end up being a f*ckboi. F*ckbois arrive all forms, dimensions, and styles.
6. setting up with a bartender of my personal favorite club.
It is going to falter and get embarrassing therefore, my personal nice darling, will not be able to enter your favorite bar once again, without the need to A) pop music a Xanax (which is a terrible tip if you are consuming) or B) grab three tequila images (that’s a dreadful concept generally speaking).
We promised me I would never be the lesbian which u-hauled until I was the lesbian whom u-hauled. Today I’m the lesbian that officially never ever lasted a lease.
8. Signing leases against my much better view.
Talking about leases, the number of days I’ve dutifully signed that godforsaken dotted range when my instincts are shouting “Don’t do it! This bitch is actually insane!” are unfortunate, to put it mildly.
9. dressed in my girlfriend’s leggings.
“Are your sporting my personal leggings?!” My personal girl mouthed if you ask me after arriving late to a yoga lessons. I happened to be in downward canine attempting to center myself personally. “What’s the challenge?” I mouthed straight back.
“We can’t express leggings! It’s unsexy!” She said out loud, startling the Republican woman relaxing in child’s create to the girl left.
In all honesty, she’s appropriate. Discussing leggings could be the gateway medicine to peeing utilizing the home available. While know, any time you pee with all the doorway open before the gf, a lesbian angel will lose their wings.
10. wear my personal girlfriend’s trousers (without inquiring).
When you start getting into problems for sporting your own girlfriend’s $300 fashion designer trousers without inquiring, you’re nearing sister condition.
Your gf will cry at you would like you’re her frustrating little aunt whom takes all the woman good shit. And when — god forbid — one happens to check much better than she do inside her jeans, really, pretty soon she’ll start thinking about you as the woman annoying little aunt who takes every one of the lady good shit. There is nothing beautiful about your girl associating the lady young brother.
It’s a surefire solution to not have sex again.
11. utilizing my girlfriend’s toothbrush.
Once you begin discussing a brush, your drop your own personality totally. Before long you’ll being among those creepy lesbian lovers with morphed into the same people. Safeguard your individuality, and make use of a toothbrush, please and thank you so much.
12. teasing with my ex-girlfriend’s buddies.
It’s an inexpensive thrill, but trust in me. It’s terrible karma.
13. advising my personal gf that her friend was flirting with me.
In the event your girlfriend’s pal is slightly flirting to you, simply pretend she’s becoming super friendly and do not, actually drunkenly inform your girlfriend.
If you don’t desire to be at middle regarding the lesbian drama, that is. Which, yes, tends to be fun for five minutes, but rapidly gets, uh, frightening…
14. Switching my personal girlfriend’s design.
In the event that you inform your girlfriend she looks sexier in blazers than she really does in board shorts, she’ll resent you throughout the partnership.
Simply keep the throat sealed and recognize your own hottie for the board-short-sporting lesbian that she is, OR find a geniune blazer-wearing sweetheart. Because remember: you can’t become panel short pants into a blazer, no matter how frustrating you sample.
(you could, for the record, rotate a housewife into a ho).
15. Writing articles about are a crazy girl online.
Not merely bring we composed posts outlining what a crazy bitch Im, but I’ve started pissed-off whenever women I’m freshly dating believe I’m an insane bitch. “better, didn’t your discuss it online?” They’ll inquire.
Touch e . Touch e .
16. Pretending to understand what lesbian sex got when I didn’t come with idea.
“Of program I’m sure just what lesbian sex are. it is when um, you are aware. Like, when a woman becomes above a girl…”
17. Pretending we knew ideas on how to scissor whenever I had no clue.
“Everyone loves scissoring!” We yelped at age 16 as I believe scissoring created doing arts and crafts together.